


Save Me Someday

by TwoCrows



Series: After the Storm [6]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V
Genre: Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Brainwashing, Canon Divergence, Dependence - Freeform, F/M, Mild torture, Parasites, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Destruction, Self-Hatred, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-06 18:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19068310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoCrows/pseuds/TwoCrows
Summary: Light and shadow… contrasts, and yet inseparably bound together. Without one, the other would cease to exist.She had always known he was the one who belonged in the light and she didn’t mind if that meant her place was in the shadow. Although… That had been before she had really seen it. Before she had understood what it meant to be sullied.





	1. Nightmare

Someone knocked against the door to her room.

Rin pretended she hadn’t heard it, curling up tighter, trying to ignore the unreal sunlight that fell through the window.

It knocked again.

Hesitantly, she dug herself out of her pile of blankets and staggered to her feet. For a moment her foot caught in one of the crinkles and she had to stop to pull it free. Upon the third knock she yanked open the door, making the person behind it jump with surprise.

“Yugo? What are you doing here?”

She tried to sound sleepy to hide the fact that she had barely slept at all this night.

“What ‘What I am doing here?’ ? We wanted to ride out today. Don’t tell me you forgot that?”

Oh. Yes, she totally forgot about that.

“No, no”, she said hastily. “Just give me a minute.”

She closed the door and plodded through the mess in her room, picking up the pieces of her jumpsuit from where she had dropped them. She definitely needed to tidy up, she told herself, although she knew she wasn’t going to do it.

While she got dressed, she stopped for a moment, gazing at her untouched bed. She felt her fingers curl around her arm. Then she shook her head and hastened out.

In the kitchen she just fished a slice of toast from the toaster before making her way to the garage. Yugo was already there, apparently making some last adjustments.

“There you are. Ready to head out?”

She tried to make her reply sound casual as she took a seat on her Runner. She hadn’t ridden for such a long time, but when her fingers wandered over the instrument panel and finally closed around the handlebars, a surge of memories flashed through her mind.

The countless hours of planning and gathering parts from the scrapyards or recycling facilities. Their joy as they set the parts together. They had been so euphoric when the motor responded for the first time. Yugo had crashed into a wall on his first ride, but they had been able to repair it quickly.

And now that they were living with Yuzu and the others and not in the slums of the City anymore, they didn’t need to work all the time just to be able to fill their stomachs. That’s why they had been spending most of their time with the construction of a second Duel Runner, one just for her.

_Hers_. It somehow felt strange to say that. Something that belonged to her…

All her life she had been living among trash and among people who were barely better than trash. She hadn’t ever really owned anything, aside from the clothes she wore and her deck.

And then there was that time when she hadn’t even owned herself anymore…

She shook her head and cracked a smile. She probably just needed to get used to it.

“Rin? What are you waiting for?” Yugo asked, having pulled his Runner out onto the street already.

“Nothing”, she said, grabbing her helmet from the nearby shelf and following him into the light of day. 

  


* * *

  


It was such a wondrous feeling… The wind blustering past her head, the long ribbon of asphalt flowing below her… How had she missed this…

Yugo was racing just in front of her, leading the way, just like back then when they had to share the Runner. She remembered having wrapped her arms around his waist so she wouldn’t fall off in one of his reckless manoeuvres. But somehow he had always managed to bring her to their goal safely.

Now that she thought about it, whenever he crashed, he was the only one who would end up getting hurt. So often had he been sitting in their garage, wincing as she cleaned his grazes. So often had she told him to be more careful, knowing that he wasn’t going to listen.

She was glad about that. He always seemed to be smiling when he was able to race with the wind. Even if she couldn’t see it from behind, she was always able to feel his happiness.

She wanted… She wanted to be close to his brightness, regardless of what dark shadows she was casting behind.

“Hey Rin! You wanna make a race?” Yugo shouted over the airflow of their Runners.

For a moment she wanted to reply that she didn’t, but the sight of his smirk when he looked back at her made her reconsider. Her fingers tightened around the handlebars and a smile crept over her face.

“Bring it on!” she shouted, speeding up and bringing her Runner nose to nose with his.

She couldn’t see behind the visor of his helmet, but she knew his eyes were sparkling with the same intensity hers did. 

  
  


When Rin came back into her room after a refreshing shower and fell back first onto her bed, she was still smiling widely.

It had been a wonderful day and she hadn’t even noticed the hours passing by. She had missed it, the wind rushing past her, the rush of adrenaline as she leaned into the curve, knowing that she was racing over a track of asphalt at a speed that no reasonable person would ever drive at. Her body was still brimming with the hum of the motor. This was so… so amazing!

She was so grateful to Yugo for reminding her of this feeling.

A smile brushed across her lips.

She didn’t know why he was able to move her like this. He was childish, and silly, and reckless. He was absolutely irresponsible and no good at housework. But… his bright smile always managed to cheer her up. Even when they were still children.

Yes, back then when the world was still a place she was able to deal with…

Slowly she closed her eyes and without noticing it, sleep finally overwhelmed her. 

  
  


“Damn! I lost again. Okay, one more time.”

She couldn’t help but smirk at the little face in front of her.

“You really don’t know when to quit, do you?”

Yugo made a pouting face.

“How about we continue tomorrow?” she asked calmer.

He maintained his glare for another few seconds before he relaxed.

“Okay. Then I’m going to beat you tomorrow.”

Rin smiled. She knew that wasn’t going to happen, but it was useless telling Yugo that.

She placed the pot with the soup from yesterday onto the little hotplate and took two bowls from the cupboard on the wall.

“By the way, I’ve seen a flyer for the Friendship Cup today.”

Rin turned to him, smiling involuntarily at the awed look in his eyes.

“I see”, she answered and reached for the two glasses that were lined up bottom-up next to the sink. “I guess Jack’s going to wipe the road with his opponent again.”

“Are you joking? Jack’s the King. There’s no way he’s going to lose. That is…” He rubbed his nose with one finger and made a proud face. “…until I defeat him.”

“You?!”

She barely suppressed a laugh.

“You can’t even win a duel against me. How are you going to beat Jack?”

“Hey, this isn’t funny”, he snapped. “Just you wait. I’m going to build a Duel Runner and then I’m going to participate in the Friendship Cup. I’ll fight myself all the way to the finals and I’m going to defeat Jack.”

She gave him an amused grin.

“Really? Then I guess you should start by constructing yourself a Duel Runner.”

She had meant it as a joke. They didn’t have any money to buy the necessary parts. But his blue eyes gazed back at her with a fire she hadn’t expected.

“You know what, Rin? You’re right. I’m going to build a Duel Runner. And it’s going to be faster than every other!”

“Don’t get too full of yourself!” Rin said, smacking his head with the ladle.

Carefully she took the hot pot from the hotplate and placed it on the table.

“And now eat before it gets cold.”

“Yes, _mom_ ”, he said, sitting down across her.

As he spooned the soup, she looked at him, thoughtfully.

Yugo was crazy enough to go through with his plan, although he didn’t know what it would take. He wasn’t even aware of how little he knew. It seemed he was going to need her help.

To be honest, she had dreamed of defeating Jack as well, but it had never been more than a silly dream. But on the other hand, Jack had come from the slums as well. He had been a symbol, proof for everybody that even a common could make it to the top.

It wasn’t impossible.

Suddenly she heard a strong gust rattling at the window and looked up. It was unusual to have such a strong wind down here.

“Yugo, have you-“ She stopped.

Yugo wasn’t there anymore.

Confused she got up, looked into the other room which served as their bedroom and even the tiny bathroom, but he was nowhere to be found. Suddenly worried, she opened the door and stepped out.

It was dark, much darker than it was supposed to be. She looked around, but there was nobody here as well.

Then she heard quiet footsteps.

Her eyes widened in horror when she spotted the hooded figure at the end of the alley.

She wanted to run back into the house, but where the door had been only moments ago, was now only solid wall.

“What’s this?” a dreadful voice sighed from far away. “Are you afraid? Then how about we play a little game?”

“Y-Yugo?” she asked when she recognised the features beneath the hood, her voice merely a shriek.

But no. Everything about him was screaming that he wasn’t Yugo, from the sadistic smile to the malevolent eyes.

The eyes of a predator. 

  
  


With a choked gasp she awoke, heart racing so fast she feared it might burst, her lungs inhaling so deep as if her life was depending on it.

She noticed the white walls of her room and after a while she managed to calm down a little.

She raised one hand to her forehead and noticed it was covered in cold sweat.

She slid from the bed, sneaked over to her pile of blankets in the corner, burying herself deep into them so they could block out the world outside.

Sadly it didn’t help much.

She could escape the shadows outside, but the shadows inside her were something she couldn’t run from. No matter how much she wished to forget, that nightmare would never let go, haunting her for the rest of her life.

She curled up, pulled the blankets around her as tightly as she could and tried to bite back the sobs that welled up in her chest.

Yugo… Anyone…

Why? Why wasn’t there anyone who could make her forget that hell? Why? 


	2. Delusion

It was already late in the evening and the abandoned area near the harbour was only lit by the glow of two burning barrels. Bottles of beer were passed around as bets were sealed. Hoarse laughter accompanied the conversation of the people who were sitting around in the dark.

Two motor bikes whipped around the corner, motors roaring and they were welcomed with rompish cheers. The other four bikers greeted their rivals with cold glares. Two of them exchanged a fierce handshake.

As they were complete now, all of them went to the starting line while the rest of the people got up from where they were sitting to get a better view.

A young woman stepped in front of the bikers, raising an empty bottle. The six men were already revving up their motors when they heard another noise, approaching them.

A moment later a seventh bike came around the corner and stopped next to them.

Both the biker and its driver were entirely white, in sharp contrast to the other men whose bikes were either black or grey, the colours of the biker folk.

“Who are you? And what do you want here?” one of them snarled leery.

The white biker took off their helmet, revealing a flood of aqua-green hair.

“I heard you were conducting races here”, Rin said.

Everyone stared at her, first in surprise, then in amusement.

“Riding with us is nothing for a little girl”, another one of the bikers said with a condescending grin. “Go back home to the hearth or play with your dolls.”

“Yes, we don’t want you to accidentally get hurt, do we?”

The last comment received merry laughter.

Rin smiled as well, although there wasn’t the tiniest bit of joy in it.

“Are you afraid you could lose to such a helpless little girl like me?” she asked in a syrupy tone.

“Bitch!” the man hissed. “I was just giving you a warning. But if you refuse to listen, you’ll have to feel”.

“Then what are you waiting for?” Rin asked, putting her helmet back on.

The man glanced at the young woman who was giving the starting signal. She raised her bottle into the air and brought it down with a sway, followed by the screeching of tyres and the stench of hot rubber. 

  
  


Half an hour later, Rin gazed triumphantly at the bikers who crossed the finishing line long after her, being greeted by the gloating laughter of the spectators.

She could well remember the expression of the first one who had tried to push her into a wall that lined the course, when she suddenly speeded up, leaving him baffled, seconds before he crashed. Only three of the others had been able to make it to the finishing line, more or less in one piece.

Bikers…

They were even slower than Security… just a pathetic bunch of men who thought they were the greatest. Crushing them had been such a pleasure.

She felt alive. She felt free. She felt like she didn’t need to hide anymore. Any nightmare that might have shaken her was long gone, left behind in the night.

If she… If she could just be this strong all the time… 

  


* * *

  


_Rin!_

_Hey Rin!_

An elbow nudged at her shoulder and Rin sleepily raised her head from the desk.

“What’s wrong with you, Rin?” Yuzu whispered next to her. “It’s not like you to fall asleep during classes.”

“It’s nothing”, Rin mumbled and suppressed a yawn.

It was hard to focus on the book in front of her. The words were blurring before her eyes. She couldn’t help but wish these stupid classes would be over and she would be able to sit on her Runner again.

She didn’t know why speed had such appeal with her. Both Yuya and Yuzu had been riding a Duel Runner already, but none of them enjoyed it the way she and Yugo did. This was something, a passion, which only they shared.

Suddenly Rin heard her name and her head flicked up. The teacher gave her an expectant glance.

Rin felt her cheeks growing hot as she looked around, trying to figure out what he had asked. 

  
  


“Will you tell me what is wrong?” Yuzu asked her later during break. “You’re looking so absent today.”

Rin poked around in her lunchbox. After a while she looked up at Yuzu’s staring face.

“I-I’m sorry. What did you say?”

Yuzu let out a sigh.

“If there is anything you’re worried about, you can talk to me. I am your friend.”

Rin cast down her eyes. She was glad about how Yuzu tried to take care of her, but… This was nothing she could talk about, to anyone.

“It’s not like that”, she said. “I’m just a little tired. That’s all. Really.”

Yuzu knew she was lying. She could see it in her eyes.

An uncomfortable silence came about between them. Rin awkwardly took a few bites from her lunchbox, peeking over to her friend a few times.

“Yuzu, I…”

“Rin…”

Both of them stopped surprised. Then Rin smiled and gave Yuzu a signal to continue.

“I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go with us to the music festival in two weeks. Yuya, Yuto and Ruri are also coming.”

“Oh.”

Rin bit her lip. That day was…

“I’m sorry. I already have plans for that day.”

Yuzu made a disappointed face.

“I see. And… What did you want to say?”

Rin opened her mouth, trying to think of what she had wanted to say, but then the school bell saved her an excuse. She closed her lunchbox and got up.

“It wasn’t that important”, she said as they walked back into the building. 

  


* * *

  


Full of panic Rin started up from the sheets. For a moment she felt like the walls around her were choking her, but then her lungs remembered their purpose and her chest filled with air again.

These eyes were still staring at her, piercing every fibre of her being, as if they had been carved into her brain.

She waited until her pulse had calmed down enough before she looked at her alarm clock. It was almost time. Good.

Quietly she got up, sneaked down into the garage and put on her jumpsuit.

“Huh? Rin? What are you doing there?” a sleepy voice asked.

She froze and began to turn around, slowly.

Yugo was standing in the door, a small bowl of rice in his hand.

“I’m just looking after my Runner”, she replied as calm as she could. “You better go back to sleep.”

He nodded tentatively and plodded back into the house.

Rin let out the breath she had been holding. Knowing Yugo, he probably would have forgotten everything when he woke up.

Quietly she proceeded to open the garage and pull her Runner out into the street. 

  


* * *

  


“And victory once again goes to the White Queen.”

“How many wins in a row is this now?”

Rin gave the second biker who crossed the finishing line an amused glance. The White Queen… For some reason the people had started to call her that.

She liked it. It made her feel strong. It made her feel superior.

Although this way of thinking reminded her of how the Tops had looked down on her and everyone else who came from the slums, she couldn’t help it. And besides, this was different. This was not about where one was born, but about actual skill.

At least that was what she told herself.

“You’re a very talented biker”, one of the spectators said to her.

“Thank you”, she replied, shaking his hand.

It felt… somewhat sophisticated and gentle. Nothing she had expected to find here.

“I am going to host a party at the weekend. It would be a pleasure if you’d gift me with your presence. I am itching to hear more of the mysterious girl who showed up and took the street races by storm.”

She gazed into his eyes.

Something… Something wasn’t right about them.

“I… am sorry, but I have to reject your offer.”

For a moment she thought she saw a flicker in his eyes, but then he looked as friendly as before again.

“What a pity. Well, in case you change your decision, this is the address.”

He handed her a small card before he turned around and joined the other figures around the small fire.

Rin gazed after him.

Could it be… that he had been trying to hit on her? No, that was impossible. He had to be at least six or seven years older than she was.

She turned her thoughts back to the race and a broad smirk curved her lips. 

  


* * *

  


She was still smiling when she went back into her room, peeling off her jumpsuit, and stopped in front of her bed.

She knew she was covered in sweat, but she couldn’t take a shower in the middle of the night without waking anyone. She’d need to do that in the morning.

She turned to the mirror that hung on one of the walls.

Excitement was still glistening in her eyes, as well as arrogance and pride. All the things about her that she didn’t want anyone else to see. But it still felt good.

Slowly her smile faded leaving her face pale and ashen, with dark bags under her eyes.

This… This was Rin. Stupid, little, foolish Rin, without her mask. So pathetic.

She threw her shirt over the mirror and slumped down on her pile of blankets. 

  


* * *

  


No!

No… It was just a dream, just a nightmare, she told herself, rocking back and forth, the blankets pulled tightly around her.

_Are you afraid?_

Yes… Yes, she was afraid. Fear was surging through her body like a torrential river, something that couldn’t be stopped, couldn’t be ignored.

Go away! she wanted to shout. Leave me alone!

_But why? It is far too much fun for me to chase you._

No! She didn’t want to run anymore.

Yugo! Where… Where was he?!

_She hastened around a corner and noticed too late it was a blind alley._

_“Aww… What a pity. It appears then our little game has come to an end.”_

_Slowly, her heart racing with dread, she turned around. The boy across her smiled and began to approach her._

_“Now let’s visit the professor, shall we?”_

Fearfully she rocked back and forth, her hands whitened from how hard she clutched the blankets, desperately trying to bite back the tears.

Yugo…

If he had been there back then… Would he have been able to protect her? Would he have saved her from the hell that followed?

She knew it was pathetic to think like that. The thoughts of a helpless, little girl.

But still…

“Yugo…” she whispered and a single tear ran over her cheek. 


	3. Warm

“Huh? Yugo, what…?”

He looked up from behind her Runner, a wrench in one hand, and his face lit up.

“Ah, Rin!”

Then a disappointed expression flashed over his face.

“Oh no. I guess now I’ve ruined the surprise.”

“M-Maybe”, she muttered confused. “But what are you doing there anyway?”

“Oh, this?” Awkwardly, he scratched the back of his head. “I’ve bought you a new chip for your Runner. Actually I intended you to find out yourself.”

“You… You did what? How did you pay for that?”

Yugo grinned proudly.

“I’ve saved some money lately. I didn’t waste anything we would’ve needed, I promise.” He stuck his thumb in the air. “You see? There’s nothing to worry about.”

She gave him an acknowledging glance. Maybe he was starting to grow up at last.

“Okay. But couldn’t you have asked before you screw around with my Runner?”

“Ah… Just try it out. You’re going to like it”, he said with an optimistic smile.

Rin hesitated for a moment, giving him a doubtful look. Then she returned the smile.

“Sure. Why not?” 

  
  


“This is fantastic!” Rin shouted over the wind in her ears.

She was almost flying over the asphalt, houses, trees, other vehicles barely more than a blur around her.

There was just the deafening noise of the wind and the excitement in her blood that managed to banish the dark memories from her heart.

This was great. At this speed, she was going to win every race. She would leave her opponents with nothing more than her dust and in the end all of them would bow before her. She… was going to be strong. Strong enough to defeat that nightmare. Strong enough to defeat…

_These malevolent eyes…_

Her enthusiasm died away at once.

These eyes… She needed to succeed. She needed to forget about these eyes. Or else…

“Rin? Is something wrong? You’re looking so serious.”

She started up from her thoughts and gave him a bright smile.

“It’s nothing, Yugo.” 

  
  


They made a stop beneath a large tree, a little off the road.

It was warm. Not so warm that she needed to take off her jacket, but warm enough to lie on the earth without shivering.

She heard a bird twitter in the branches above and it made her feel like home. No, not like home. Better. There weren’t dirty alleys everywhere and the stench of trash that filled her nose.

This place was… serene and peaceful. For once she could let go of the dreams that haunted her and just relax, feeling the warm sunlight as it shimmered through her eyelids.

Yugo was lying beside her and she enjoyed listening to his soft breathing. Slowly, she reached for his hand. It was slack and her fingers closed around his, squeezing them gently. Suddenly she heard a low snore and opened one eye to peek over to him.

Yugo had fallen asleep.

Involuntarily, her lips curved into a smile. She rolled on her side so her face was almost touching his. Then she reconsidered, backed away a little and brushed her fingers over his cheek.

He looked so sweet when he was sleeping. Like an innocent angel who had come down to earth.

Who was she that she thought she could bind him to such a miserable, wrecked being as herself?

Back then in the orphanage, she had heard the story about Icarus once. Together with his father he had built wings to fly across the ocean. But Icarus had soared too high and the heat of the sun had destroyed the wings and he had fallen into the sea.

She knew she was like him. She knew she was going to end falling, drowning in the dark. But still… She wanted to feel the warmth of this sun.

She lied down again, snuggling her head against his shoulder, her fingers entwining with his. After a while she drifted into slumber as well. 

  
  


She awoke when Yugo began to stir next to her. Nevertheless she remained still, smiling at his loud yawn.

The grass rustled beside her. Then Yugo tensed up, backing away from her a beat later.

“What was that?” she asked, raising one eyelid.

“Oh, n-n-n-nothing, I… You were just… so close, and…”

His face was beet red and Rin chuckled at how clumsily he was struggling for words. She opened her eyes and gazed at the blue sky above.

The sun was already low. They’d need to get back soon. But she wanted to remain here for just a little while. At this place where she had been able to sleep without waking up with a hammering heart and gasping for breath. Without seeing these eyes before her.

“Rin, I…”

“Do you believe there is a god out there?”

Yugo hesitated confused.

“A… A god? Why do you ask such a question?”

Yes, why? She had had more than enough time to think about questions like these when she was locked up in a high tower with no one to talk to aside from the taciturn warden who brought her food two times a day. But she had no idea what had been the _reason_.

“I have been wondering if there is anyone determining what we do and what happens to us”, she said.

“No. Someone like that doesn’t exist.”

She gave him a surprised glance.

“It’s all a question of chance”, he continued. “Sometimes you’re lucky. Sometimes you’re not. That’s what life is.”

Yugo… He had answered so quickly, with such a conviction. She wished she could be as sure as he was. Sadly, she gazed into the distance.

“I guess I’m not a lucky person then.”

She could feel Yugo gaze at her in surprise.

“Rin…”

Of course he couldn’t understand what was going on inside of her. He was too bright, too warm.

“I’ve tried to find out why it was me. Why had I to be the one who had to go through all of this?” She let out a sigh. “I couldn’t find an answer to that question.”

Until then she hadn’t even realised how she had missed him. Until then she hadn’t realised how much she depended on him. Yugo had been her family all her life, but he couldn’t help her. How often had she cried out of loneliness, wishing for him to break down that door and rescue her?

She had known it was pointless. She knew he had no chance to get through the endless rows of academia soldiers all alone and she was afraid he would try and fail. But despite this, she had wanted him to come so desperately. She had wanted him to save her. But she remained alone, high above the ground in that isolated chamber where only the wind accompanied her.

And then he came. He walked right through the door, but it had already been too late. She had already fallen into an endless nightmare.

“Don’t make such a sad face, Rin”, Yugo muttered.

She gave him a glance, surprised by the seriousness in his voice.

“Academia is gone. Even Yuri has changed. Don’t you think it is time for you to smile a little more?”

Rin was staring at him, her eyes wide with shock. Yugo had never been like that before. Such a thoughtful tone.

“Like how you smiled when we finished our first Duel Runner. Do you remember why we started to build it?” He cracked a wan smile. “It was because we’ve wanted to duel Jack one day. He may not be the King anymore, but I still haven’t given up on that dream. He is… the only god in these worlds.”

When Rin spoke, her voice was shaking a little and she could feel tears wanting to well up in her eyes.

“You are amazing, Yugo. Despite everything that had happened, you still manage to look into the future without fear.”

So bright… So warm… And what was she? A stupid girl that was stuck in the past, unable to move on. It was no wonder that the shadows and bad dreams were so attracted by her.

Her voice cracked and all she was able to bring out was a quiet whimper.

“Yugo… Save me someday.”

He gave her a puzzled look.

“Rin, what…?”

She pulled herself together and shook her head. She hadn’t expected him to understand.

“It’s late already. We need to go back.” 

  


* * *

  


“Rin? Do you want to…? Oh.”

Yuzu made a surprised face when she appeared in the door.

“Still working on that?”

“I need to get this done until Monday”, Rin slurred and looked up, trying not to show Yuzu how the words were just incoherently swirling in her head.

“Do you want me to help…?”

“I can do this myself, Yuzu”, she said a little fiercer than intended.

She gave out a sigh. Her eyelids felt so heavy.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I should take a little break”, she said and got to her feet. “How about a…”

Suddenly she swayed and needed to put a hand on her desk. The room was spinning around her.

“Rin? Rin! Are you alright?”

Yuzu’s voice sounded as if it filtered through several layers of walls.

“I-I’m fine”, she said and made a step towards the door whose contours blurred before her eyes, tumbling against the wall instead. Then she felt something cool against her forehead.

“Oh god, Rin! You’re glowing! Quick! Sit down! Sit down!”

Rin tried to brush her off, but she felt her knees turn into butter and the next moment she was sitting on the floor. Yuzu’s worried face appeared before her.

“Your eyes are glassy and you have high fever. Stay here while I get some medicine.”

Yuzu got up and her steps moved away with a muffled rumble. Rin attempted to get up, but everything was so dizzy and she ended up crashing on the floor again.

Crap! What… What was this? Was she getting sick?

This couldn’t be. This _mustn’t_.

What about… the race?

She needed to go there. She needed to hold her title. She needed to be strong.

There were steps approaching her hastily. Then someone grabbed her by the arms and, carefully lifted her up. She was being carried across the floor and up the stairs and, after a while, she was laid down on a soft surface.

She thought she could hear voices in the distance, Yuzu’s and… Yuto’s maybe, but she couldn’t understand what they were saying. One of them hummed something to her and she felt a spoon being raised to her lips. Weakly she opened her mouth and swallowed the bitter liquid. Something throbbed and then a blanket was spread over her.

She heard voices again, but they faded into the ringing white that was all around her. 


	4. Hell

_Loneliness_

 _Fear_

There were so many questions in her head, but no matter how often she shouted them out, all that answered was the wind that howled around the stone bricks.

When had she started to spend the days with her cover tucked over her head?

She didn’t know, but it was futile. It may have helped when she still was a kid and the things that frightened her were just ghosts from her own imagination. But against _them_ there was no protection.

She didn’t know what plans they had with her, but she knew they would use her how they liked to, regardless of how much she tried to struggle.

The professor. Although he was the man who seemed to be behind this, he never came up to her.

She had seen him only once, right before they had brought her here. He was a strict and cold man and unlike the other people of academia she had seen, it was impossible to read his face. There hadn’t been the tiniest bit of expression.

Although… She would have preferred him to the man who did come to visit her. The moment she had seen him for the first time, the sunken eyes in that deathly pale face, she knew that he was a human devil.

She had few clear memories of what that man had done to her, but she could remember spending an entire day crouching on her hard bed, arms wrapped around herself, rocking back and forth after his first visit.

“Well, my dear. Are you feeling tired?” his voice echoed from far away. “Then rest for a while. I am going to visit you again, soon.”

His high-pitched, insane laughter rang in her ears even long after he had closed the door and left her. 

  
  


Sometimes she could hear the distant chime of a bell. Maybe it was announcing a special event for the students. Maybe, despite their fanatic loyalty, some of the students were still clinging to some religion. It didn’t matter. Somehow it reminded her of a time long ago.

“Rin? What are you looking at?”

Wordlessly she pointed up and Yugo followed her gaze.

“Do you know why there is a coloured window?” she asked.

Yugo considered it for a moment. Then he shrugged.

“I have no idea. But we should get going already. Come on!”

She sighed. Yugo was so easily captivated by anything that was either fast or tasty, but everything else…

Still, when she heard the bells that day while climbing over the scrapyard, she turned around and felt like it was coming from that building.

They never cared much about religion. In the orphanage they were told it was just a useless thing that kept people from working. And after that… Well, Rin was too much of a pragmatist to believe that someone would just come down from heaven, end all injustice and save them from misery. Things like that didn’t happen.

Now though… she could really use someone who came and saved her. Her fingers dug frantically hard into the fabric of her jacket.

Yugo…

“Rin?”

She looked up at him, scrambling towards her over the pile of trash.

“What’s wrong? Are you dreaming?”

Yes, what was she…? Why was there a tear in her eye?

“Look, I’ve found a broken motor housing. Maybe with the right parts we could fix it again. And…”

He… He was here with her. And everything was fine, right?

So why was her heart aching, just seeing him stand before her like that. So close… She just needed to reach out for him and…

“Huh? Rin?” Yugo interrupted his monologue. “Is… everything okay with you?”

She smiled brightly, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him so tightly that he almost lost his balance.

“Rin, what…?”

“I’m just glad we are here. Together.”

After a moment of surprise Yugo relaxed and placed one hand on her shoulder, bringing her just far enough away so he could take a look at her face.

“Geez. You really are dreaming, huh?”

His clear greenish eyes looked at her with a mixture of confusion and worry which made her heart grow warm.

“Come. Let’s go home and see what we can do about that housing, okay?”

“Yes. Let’s go home, Yugo”, she muttered gladly.

Yugo smiled.

“What did you say, my dear?”

Rin’s heart made a leap and she stared back at him. Yugo’s friendly smile hadn’t changed, but…

“Now, now… Why are you staring at me like that? Don’t you recognise me, my dear?”

The doktor’s smile looked sick, and the sharp contrast to Yugo made her almost throw up.

“What have you done to Yugo?” she muttered faintly. “Where is he?”

The doktor frowned at her.

“Yugo? I don’t know what you are talking about.”

He turned away, making a thoughtful face, muttering a few things that Rin didn’t understand.

“Hmm… Hallucinations? Or a sudden memory stimulation? Possible, possible… Maybe I should reevaluate the control parameters…”

She… She didn’t understand this. For a split second her vision flickered and she was standing on the scrapyard again. The next moment she was staring at a high stone ceiling, leather straps around her wrists and strange devices all around her.

What… was this? 

  
  


“Yes! Jack!” Yugo shouted into the silence of held breaths.

After a moment other people began to awaken from their state of shock and a wave of cheering and applause surged through the stadium.

“And with a white-hot blazing finale our King, Jack Atlas, has won this year’s Friendship Cup!” the MC shouted and it sounded like they were almost losing it.

Rin cheered full-throated as well.

Jack had been amazing. Like a white whirlwind he had raced through the stadium, leaving the spectators speechless. He had even made it look like he was going to lose only to turn the tables in a last move.

She remembered Yugo shift back and forth beside her, gazing down with an almost feverish look in his eyes as he watched his shimmering hero below. Sometimes it was annoying how easily he was excited, but this time she felt the same. Jack just knew how to control his spectators. He knew how to make them root for him, how to make them gasp in shock and cheer at his actions. That’s why everybody loved him.

“See? I told you it was worth spending the money on the cards. That was great, Jack!” Yugo shouted.

Rin couldn’t help but smile at his beaming face.

She nodded.

“Yes. One day we’ll be like him as well.”

“This Jack Atlas would make for an exceptional soldier”, a blood curdling voice said behind her. “Very interesting. I will ask the professor to capture him alive when we conquer your homeland.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” she asked, wearily glancing up from the table she was fixated to. “I don’t want this anymore. Why can’t you just stop?”

“Why?” He chuckled as if she had said something extremely funny. “To learn, of course. It is a scientist’s profession and duty to strive for greater knowledge.”

He turned to her and gave her a loathsome smirk.

“And aside from that, I am enjoying these little sessions with you.”

He raised a small glass container with a little red bug inside.

“Well? How about we continue?”

Although she knew it was pointless, she tried to struggle against the straps, not wanting the thing to get close to her. The doktor stepped behind her and a few moments later she felt small legs that scuttled over her head, entering her ear.

Her loud, ringing scream was the last thing she remembered before everything went dark. 

  
  


Rin was feeling hot, as if she was burning.

What… Where was she? She couldn’t tell.

“Are you really sure you can take care of her?”

“You don’t need to worry”, an annoyed voice answered. “Just go to your festival.”

A brief pause.

“Okay. But don’t do anything weird to her.”

“Hey! Why do you think I’d do that?”

Rin could hear the words, knew their individual meanings, but together she couldn’t grasp any sense behind them. They were just series of sounds.

If only it wasn’t this hot. Not much longer and she would begin to melt. Suddenly a cooling piece of cloth was pressed against her blazing forehead.

She didn’t know when she had felt something this _good_ before. She let out something that sounded like a sigh and her mind slipped out of awareness again. 

  
  


No! Not again!

Rin stared in horror at the bug that crawled over her body, making its way to her ear almost like a shark tracing the faint scent of blood.

It appeared this time the doktor wanted to test its ability to find its aim on its own, an event in which it already excelled.

She… She wanted to push it away, to throw it to the floor and crush it under her boots. But all she could do was lie there, helpless, as the insect crawled closer.

No! She didn’t want this! She was Rin! That’s what she mustn’t forget! She was Rin and she had grown up with Yugo!

Yugo… Yugo! Where was he?!

She screamed and then a foreign consciousness entered her head. 

  


“Rin! Hey, look what I found. If that works, we’re almost done, right?”

She took the part from his excited hands and gave it a close examination.

Yugo waited patiently beside her.

“It looks okay”, she said and after a brief moment she added: “Let’s try it out.”

With a happy shout, Yugo threw his arms into the air and almost toppled.

“How about we…” 

  


“What… How can you do this, Rin? Don’t you remember how much sweat we’ve put into this?!” 

  


“It appears we have to interrupt our research for a while, my dear. I have heard there would be someone looking for you.”

Her heart missed a beat. Yugo?

“Should they really come this far, I’m expecting you to take care of them. So don’t disappoint me, will you?” 

  


Yugo? What…? Why did he lie there on the ground? Why did he look so battered? And… What was with the smile on her face?

What was going on here?! 

  


“GET OUT OF ME! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!” 

  


“Here… You don’t need to cry.”

“I’m not crying, idiot!”

“So, umm… I’m Yugo. And who are you?” 

  


“Rin… what…?”

Her entire body was shaking with happiness and relief.

“Do you… Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you?” 

  


The smile didn’t fade when she passed the destroyed remains of the Runner they built together. It made her heart ache to see it like that, but her body didn’t listen to her plea to stop. 

  


“Are you afraid?”

Dark shadows behind her. A vicious smile beneath a cloak. Footsteps echoing from the walls. Their calmness was much worse than quick, chasing steps would have been.

Her palms crashed against the solid wall in front of her. On the left and on the right there were walls as well.

Crap!

“Aww… What a pity. It appears then, our little game has come to an end.”

Slowly she turned around, stared into the hellish pair of eyes. 

  


“Noooo!!”

  
  


When Rin woke up again, it was dark around her. Confused she gazed at the white ceiling above.

After a while she realised. This was her room. She was sick and the others had laid her into her bed.

Her throat was dry. She forced herself to get up, although she felt like crap.

Slowly, she stumbled downstairs. She definitely needed to drink something. With every step she made, the blood pounded inside her head. She got to the sink and poured herself a glass of water which she drank greedily.

“And what are you doing down here?” a sharp voice asked.

Rin darted around, so fast she almost let go of the glass.

“Yuri…”

She tried to focus, but all she could see was a blur.

Her head felt heavy. He gazed at her, concern in his violet eyes. The same eyes that…

“You don’t look very good. Yuzu was right. You shouldn’t have gotten up yet.”

“Yuzu?” she muttered faintly. “Where is she?”

Yuri thought for a moment. “She said she was going to some music festival with the others today.”

He made an annoyed grimace.

“Serena has something else to do and Yugo has run off somewhere, which means I’m the only one left to look after… Hey!”

Rin didn’t listen to him as she walked past him.

The festival… The race… The race was today. She needed to get ready.

When she opened the door to the garage, his hand caught her wrist.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Yuri asked in a cold voice.

She looked at him, her breath going heavy. Everything was so dizzy.

“You’re not going anywhere in that condition. Get back inside.”

This… This cold voice… This face that looked like Yugo’s but wasn’t… His eyes began to glow, beneath that coat in that dark alley…

“Do I have to force you into bed?”

She shivered, punched his face as hard as she could to break free from his grip, and ran. She ran like she hadn’t run ever since that day. The cold night wind blew into her face and pierced the thin shirt she was wearing, but she didn’t care. All she cared for was the dreadful pair of eyes that certainly wasn’t far behind, entertained by her attempt to escape, thrilled by having the chance to chase and capture her.

And then she would be locked into that tower again and the man with the sunken eyes would put his insects into her head again and she’d be forced to…

She stumbled against a wall, trying to fight the urge to throw up.

Never! She would never go back again! Someone… Someone needed to help her.

Suddenly she heard calm footsteps and her chest froze with horror.

“Well, well… If it isn’t the White Queen. And she’s alone without her Runner.”

She whirled around, trying to make out the blurry figure that stepped out of the shadows.

“Say… Can you act tough as well when you know you cannot escape?”

He was wearing a black leather jacket, but for a moment her eyes showed her a long cloak.

But… He wasn’t Yuri, was he?

White Queen…

The man stepped out of the alley and closed in on her. She… knew his face.

“What do you want?” she asked, trying to sound as superior as she could, although the man must have noticed her chased look and the cold sweat on her forehead.

“Oh. What a brave little girl. But you are alone. And you cannot run.”

“I do not fear you.”

“Oh yes you do. And you have every reason to.”

His hand wandered up, brushed over the curves of her shirt and finally rested at her chin.

“I have to say, after you rejected my brother’s invitation, I really racked my brain on how I could take revenge on you. But it appears I have worried for nothing.”

His… His brother?

“You mean the man who asked me to go to his party?”

Damn. Everything was growing hazy around her. If this continued, then she was going to pass out.

The man’s lips twitched happily and he brought his face close to hers.

“Exactly”, he whispered. “How about we get starting, huh?”

She felt how one of his hands slid beneath her shirt, smelled his foul breath in her nostrils. Her hand curled into a fist and she tried to smack him, but he easily caught it and laughed.

“You’re a naughty one, huh? Don’t worry. I’m going to take care of you.”

“I wonder about that.”

The man’s head darted around, before being hit by a fist that made him tumble away from her. Rin stared at the newcomer and froze in horror.

Violet eyes met her gaze. They appeared to be glowing from inside and their pupils seemed narrower, like that of a feline.

“You… You bastard!” The man coughed and attempted to charge at the boy, but Yuri easily dodged him and thrust his fist into the man’s stomach.

“Bastard?” Yuri asked with a cold softness that sent a shiver down her spine. “And what am I supposed to call you?”

Yuri’s boot hit the man’s head and he sprawled. Then it hit again. And again. And again.

Rin heard the man’s choked coughs, heard the sound of something breaking and then there was blood on the ground, splattering over the walls and over Yuri’s white trousers.

She couldn’t take her eyes off the scene. Yuri didn’t stop, even as the man’s coughing had turned into burbling groans, writhing painfully on the ground. His face didn’t show any hint of pleasure, just cold, merciless disgust.

Finally Yuri stopped, turning the man with the tip of his bloodied boot, until he had to look up into Yuri’s eyes.

“If you show your dirty face to her again”, Yuri muttered, “then I am going to show you there are worse things than dying.”

With a last disgusted look he stepped over the man and took Rin’s hand. She didn’t resist as he hauled her over his shoulder, carrying her home.

Before the relieving unconsciousness drowned the mixture of horror, confusion and fear that raged inside her head, she mumbled a faint “Thank you” into his soft coat. 

  


* * *

  


“You saved me.”

“Yeah.”

It hadn’t been a question.

It was a few hours since Yuri had carried her back home and Rin had been asleep since then.

She felt… wrung out. Physically, but also mentally. When she awoke, she had tried to get up again, but found that she was barely able to roll over on her bed.

After a while Yuri had come and brought her a bowl of soup. When he noticed how weak her hands were, he had fed her. Rin had tried to refuse, but he hadn’t listened, almost forcing the warm liquid down her throat.

Although somewhere inside of her head she knew he was taking care of her, she still felt uncomfortable to be in the same room with him, with the boy who had started all of her suffering. And now she was in an even more helpless position than back then. Should he try to do anything to her, she wouldn’t have the strength to stop him, or even the strength to run.

“Why?”

Yuri gave her an irritated look, probably trying to figure out what she meant.

“What a stupid question”, he muttered. “Since the others dumped you on me, I’m responsible for taking care of you. They would kill me if I let something happen to you.”

Rin closed her eyes.

“I see.”

They both remained quiet for a while.

Rin was aware of the dark memories that seethed inside her, slowly forcing their way to the surface. Memories of bright lamps above her, of screams she had uttered, of insane, cackling laughter. Of a pair of violet eyes…

“When you captured me back then…” she began, before deciding to start over again.

“Was it because of the professor that you captured me and Ruri?”

Yuri didn’t answer immediately, gazing at the darkness beyond the window for a moment.

“Capturing you was the mission I had been given”, he said. “But… that wasn’t the reason, I guess.”

Rin watched him patiently, watched how his chest rose and fell calmly. He looked… sadder. Not like the impassive boy whose gaze gave her chills. Now he looked more like… _more like her_ , she thought with a shock.

“The reason why I fought, why I hunted… was because those were the only things I was able to. Superiority… Dominance… Strength… those were the only things that gave my life a meaning.”

He took a deep breath.

“I followed the professor because he allowed me to attain these things. I guess I was nothing more than a hound which he turned loose when he had use for it.”

He made a choked sound and after a moment Rin noticed it must’ve been a laugh.

“Pretty pathetic, isn’t it?” he asked quietly.

She didn’t answer, turning her gaze to the ceiling above.

 _White_

 _Pathetic_

Yes. That was her. Just a pathetic girl who tried to cover her weakness behind a mask of white.

But… If that was the only way she could feel strong, the only way she could feel alive, she was going to walk it to the end.

“I guess we’re not so different after all.”

Yuri gave her an inquiring look, but she rolled away from him and snuggled into the covers. After a while, he got up, quickly taking the empty bowl of soup and wanted to leave when her voice called him back.

“Yuri…”

The word had slipped her before she had actually thought about it. She sensed how Yuri stopped, turned to her. There was no turning back anymore.

“Can you… please stay with me? I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“How old are you?” he asked in a mocking tone.

Rin bit her lip and curled up a little, but to her relief she heard him sit down.

The darkness enveloped her again, but this time she felt that she wasn’t alone. There was another breath at her side and regardless of what it may have been in the past, she decided right now it was a friend. 


	5. A Flash of Crimson

A merry hum greeted Rin when she entered the kitchen in the morning. It was a soft, but also vibrant tune, full of life and wonder. She stopped a moment to take it in, let it pour into her soul and fill her with this strange, but also wonderful feeling.

“Oh! Good morning.”

The girl with the long, almost black hair looked a little surprised to see her.

“Good morning, Ruri”, Rin muttered and she felt a yawn rising inside of her.

Ruri smiled as she handed Rin a cup of coffee before pouring herself a glass of water. Rin sat down, taking a sip from her cup and decided to wait a little longer when the hot liquid almost burned her throat. After a moment she noticed Ruri’s gaze resting on her.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, irritation resonating in her voice.

“No, no! It’s just… nice to see you up again. That’s all.”

Rin gazed back at her.

It still confused her how Ruri was able to smile like that, how she was able to be friendly and merry all the time, despite having experienced the same things she had.

No, it didn’t confuse her. It angered her. It angered her to look into that face that looked so much like her own, to know that she had experienced the same pain, and see her smiling.

Why was she… Why was she able to do that while Rin wasn’t?

“Aren’t you feeling well? Maybe you should go back to bed. You’ve been really sick.”

Rin shook her head.

“No, I’m fine. Thanks.”

And now she was even worried about her.

Disgusting.

“Come to think of”, she said with a look at the clock. “Where are the others? It’s already past ten.”

Ruri smiled.

“Oh, they’re asleep. I guess a two-day music festival was a little too much for them.”

“I see. That doesn’t appear to apply to you as well.”

“I guess I’m just an early bird. And besides, right now I can’t just lie quiet when there’s still so much music inside of me.”

As if to prove her words, she made a dancing twirl to the cupboard, taking out two plates for them. Before she could set them down, Rin got up, taking her cup with her.

“I’ll go and see if Yugo’s awake”, she muttered, glad to have found an excuse that let her escape from Ruri’s company.

“Oh, he is”, Ruri said a little confused. “At least I think so. When I passed by his room half an hour ago, the door was open and he wasn’t in there.”

Rin stopped.

“So, you haven’t seen him? How odd.”

“Thinking of it, he’s been absent pretty often lately. Maybe… he’s making preparations to ask you for a date.”

Rin turned around, staring at a teasingly grinning Ruri.

“A date?”

After a moment, she actually cracked a small giggle.

“No, that can’t be. He’s not the type of person who’d do that.”

Although it felt strange to laugh in the presence of that girl, Rin found that is wasn’t unpleasant.

So… Yugo had already gone off. Or he hadn’t even come home yesterday. No, impossible. This was Yugo. But… she decided this wasn’t the time to think about Yugo’s odd quirks. The next race would be in two days and the way she was now, she was hardly going to win it.

She needed to win. She needed to show everyone that she was strong. That was all that mattered. 

  


* * *

  


The streets lay dark and empty. The people were asleep. Not a sound was to be heard.

A solitary cat sneaked over the sidewalk, stroking noiselessly around a corner, its wary eyes sweeping the street in search of anything that could serve as its next prey. It disappeared into an alley and was gone.

Only to come jumping back, taking shelter in a small house entrance. A bright headlight cut through the night, the roar of a motor tore the silence, and both disappeared as quickly as they had turned up.

Rin didn’t care for red traffic lights or the noise she left behind as she raced through the streets. She was the only one out here anyway. And she was out here to win.

She didn’t really slow down until she reached the racing ground near the harbour.

She had expected to be welcomed by an atmosphere of dislike or hostility. She didn’t care whether the others looked at her friendly or angry, because in every case it showed respect. It showed acknowledgement of what she was capable of.

The strange looks that greeted her instead were irritating. The more she looked around, the more uncomfortable this feeling grew, but she couldn’t make out the source of it.

After a moment one of the bikers came towards her. Rin recognised him as one of the friendlier guys around, one who hadn’t been angry at her for stealing the show.

“White Queen, how nice to see you. I have to admit that most of the guys were happy you didn’t show up last time.”

“I had my reasons”, she replied coldly. “What’s with the strange mood?”

The man suddenly looked uncomfortable as well. Nervously he glanced around, before he bent close to her.

“Last time a new biker appeared. People have started to call him the Red Flash. Just like you he suddenly showed up and beat all of us in the very first race.”

Just like her… That was a joke, right? There was nobody better than her.

“I understand”, she said and brought her Runner to the starting line where the other bikers were gathering already.

Just before the race could be started, the loud roar of a motor drew near and another biker in red appeared, halting at the starting line right next to her.

She heard quiet whispers from the spectators and caught the words ‘Red Flash’ a few times.

So this was him. He had indeed chosen the same arrival she had on her first race. His bike wasn’t an ordinary one, but a Duel Runner. She recognised it as one of the standard models, one that the Tops used to use.

Could it be that he was from the city as well? Maybe the son of a rich family who couldn’t cope with the loss of his privileges? If so, then it would be a pleasure for her to let him eat her dust.

“You’re the Red Flash, huh? Try to keep up with me.”

To her annoyance, the biker didn’t answer. Unfortunately it was too dark and the headlights of the bikes were too bright to make out the face beneath their crimson helmet.

Rin huffed angrily and turned her attention on the road ahead. When the start signal was given, she revved up her motor and leapt into the night.

Shortly after the start she had already left half of the bikers behind. Two of the others were right behind her and one had even gotten a bit ahead of her.

With mild irritation, she recognised the red biker. She should have expected that he was good, but that he managed to get ahead this easily…

Frustrated she bit her lip and leaned in the next curve. The two bikers behind her lost pace with her more and more, until it was only the red biker and her.

The way he leaned into the curve, without fear of speed, without giving her an opening to overtake… She hated to admit it, but he was skilled. The Red Flash…

No, this couldn’t be! Was she admiring him? This was just a snobbish Top who seeked excitement in street races! How could he be better than her? She was the White Queen after all. She was strong, a winner!

She noticed a small ramp to the right. Before thinking straight, she broke away from the biker’s tail and rode up the ramp and over a semi-stable scaffold that led to a higher ground.

With a grin she thought back to a fool who had tried to get ahead of her that way and ended up crashing when he lost his balance.

But she was different. She could feel it. She could feel the wind at her side and the structure of the ground ahead. She could feel the fragile path that her Runner needed to take and she knew how she had to handle it to make it move on that path.

With a triumphant smile she reached the upper end and glanced down at the crimson speck beneath her.

Maybe this guy was good at the kind of races he was used to in the City, but this was a race where everything was allowed.

The road made a long curve and thanks to her higher position she soon was head to head with the biker.

Run could feel how she melted into the machine, became one with the wind, with the road below, one with the speed itself.

She heard a whisper, faint and yet right beside her and she knew what she had to do, knew that her Runner wouldn’t let her down. She let go of her doubts and leapt over the edge, apparently hovering in the air for an electrifyingly long moment, before the wheels hit the ground again.

The impact made her sway a little, but she was able to steady herself again. With a glance into the rear-vision mirror, she could see the red biker behind her. He had slowed down a little, apparently unsettled by her reckless move.

Of course. If anyone would’ve fallen from the sky right in front of her, she would’ve been shocked too. Now all she needed to do was stay ahead of him for the last section of the race.

She could feel a grin creeping onto her lips as she leaned into the curve that led to the open area. Now it was just a straight race to the final curve. It was impossible for him to beat her there.

The two Runners shot across the track, Rin’s white one ahead and guy’s red one following on its tail.

It was a little frustrating that she wasn’t able to increase the distance, but although his machine wasn’t powerful enough to overtake her, it was more than good enough to keep up while riding in her slipstream.

It didn’t matter though. All that remained between her and the goal was the final curve. She was the White Queen and she was going to win. She was strong. Stronger than the nightmares.

“Who’s weak and pathetic now?” she whispered as she rode into the curve, already able to feel the finishing line.

Then something red appeared next to her, slipping just through the opening between her and the wall. She could sense the other biker clearly, as if everything was happening much slower than it actually did, sensed how he shifted his balance more precisely than anyone she had ever seen, missing the wall by mere inches. The way he controlled his Runner, the way he recklessly seized this one opportunity, without thinking about the danger, without even being aware of the possible consequences, felt painfully familiar to her.

Although she pushed her Runner to the maximum, it was over. The Red Flash passed the finishing line a split-second before her. Both of them slowed down and stopped.

Not caring about the cheering men who approached them, Rin got off her Runner, chuck aside her helmet and stalked towards the biker.

“You… How did you do that? Who… Who are you?”

_Who are you that you were able to beat me?_

When he didn’t answer, Rin curled her fingers into fists.

“I asked you something”, she said with a shaking voice. “How can you be even faster than me? Who are you? Take off that damn helmet and show me your face!”

The biker looked at her for a moment. Then, slowly, he raised his hands to his helmet.

Rin gasped in shock and involuntarily took a step back. Her chest tightened painfully.

This couldn’t be.

This couldn’t be.

This couldn’t be! This couldn’t be! This couldn’t be!

“Yugo… but… but why?”

His pristine eyes gazed at her, piercing her like two daggers, though there wasn’t any hostility in them.

“I borrowed the Duel Runner from Yuya”, he said. “I figured you’d recognise me the moment I turned up using my own.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Umm… Yeah. Sorry. It was just that… I was worried about you. Whenever I looked at you lately, you seemed to be so far away.”

He cast down his eyes.

“And when I heard someone talking about this new biker who was suddenly winning illegal street races all over the place, I… I had wanted to see for myself and I wanted to believe that I was wrong, that you wouldn’t do something like this.”

“Shut up…”

“Please, Rin! This is not where you belong. Stop this and come back with me…”

“Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Rin’s voice was shaking and she felt tears welling up in her eyes, though she quickly blinked them away.

“This is exactly the place where I belong. Down here in the dump. Of course you couldn’t understand. You never have understood anything! I was born as trash. I have grown up as trash. And right now, I am nothing but trash as well. So don’t come here and tell me where I belong like you would _know_ me!”

Rin regretted her words the moment she spoke them, but it was too late to take them back. She ducked her head so she didn’t have to see the hurt on Yugo’s face. She just couldn’t meet his eyes now.

“What… What are you saying, Rin?” Yugo muttered.

She could hear his confusion. She could hear how he wanted to cling to the belief that he misunderstood her.

It hurt so much. It hurt so much to crush his feelings, the feelings of the only person who had always been with her, until that dark, horrifying day.

“I… never wanted you to see this side of me. For a while I even pretended it wasn’t there, but…”

She stopped, unable to speak on, and gasped for breath. Wet drops fell on her gloves. Tears that she wasn’t able to hold back anymore.

“I am weak, Yugo. I know that I am. I cannot forget. And I cannot go on. That’s why… That’s why… There isn’t any meaning in the existence of Rin.”

She gazed down at her white gloves. The gloves that Yugo had gifted her. The gloves that had become a symbol for the person she had wanted to become.

“Rin is just a weak, frightened kid. But _she_ isn’t. The White Queen is strong. If I become her, then…”

Suddenly Yugo grabbed her shoulders and she gasped.

“You are wrong, Rin!”

He was glaring at her with an intensity that made her take a step back.

No, she wasn’t…

“That’s right. You are Rin. You cannot deny who you are. The White Queen and you are one and the same. If she is strong, then that is because you are strong.”

“No, I…”

“Rin! Stop running away! Accept what has happened and step forward!”

This fire… This determination… She wanted… She just wanted to have it as well.

“I have tried, Yugo”, she muttered. “I have tried for so long, but… I don’t have that strength!”

“That’s just what you are telling yourself. I know you, Rin. You are strong.”

She stared at him for a long moment. She… didn’t understand this. She didn’t understand why he went so far. It… It hurt.

“Go away!” she yelled, breaking free of him. “Leave me alone, Yugo! I… I can’t stand this face of yours anymore!!”

Yugo gazed at her in shock, his arms still raised from where they had held her. She held the gaze for a few seconds before she turned around and ran over to her Runner.

“Rin! Wait!”

But she didn’t listen. She didn’t care about the tears that blurred her vision as she started the motor and raced off. All she cared for was the painful stab in her chest and the violent sobs that rose in her throat.

She just wanted to be somewhere else. To leave this place that made her feel like this. To leave the person who tried to save her, although all she did was hurting him. Just away from here. No matter where.

Under other circumstances she would’ve seen the truck in time. But now, she just noticed the dazzling flash of light from the side, before something crashed against her. She had a wonderful feeling as if she was flying. And then, darkness grasped her and everything was gone. 


	6. Sun

Cold. It was so terribly cold. The ground was cold and hard beneath her.

Where was she?

Who was she?

The ceiling above felt… familiar.

Right… The orphanage. She remembered.

This was an unused room beneath the roof. Nobody was supposed to come up here, but she had found a way through a few loose floor boards.

She was actually very proud to have found this place. A place that no one else had found before. A place where no one else would follow her. Where none of the noise from outside could bother her. It was her secret, her treasure. Something that belonged entirely to her.

Only, it was cold.

Rin shivered and curled together, trying not to think about the punishment that was awaiting her when she returned without any money.

The orphanage didn’t have any money to waste on lazy kids. That’s why lazy kids didn’t get to eat. And that’s why they were spending all day in the dump or the recycling plants. Trash searching through trash.

Was this all that life had to offer to her? If so, then she didn’t want it.

She shivered again and curled up even tighter.

It was so cold. 

  


* * *

  


Time… A concept that determined the order of events.

It was organised in seconds, minutes, hours… all of them were supposed to be absolute, impartial, equal, though Rin found that wasn’t the case. Sometimes it felt as if the hours were flying by in mere minutes and sometimes even tiny seconds seemed to go on forever.

Now was such a time.

Rin just lied there, staring up at the shabby ceiling, and waited. A quiet scratching had begun somewhere below her, but she didn’t pay attention to it.

Nothing really happened. Nothing…

The cobwebs in the window sent their dusty light into the room when the sun accidentally made its way through the dirty windows. A small insect crawled over the floor.

Rin watched it for a while, watched it move its tiny antennae, scurrying here and there as if it was searching for something.

“What is it you are looking for, little friend?” she muttered, tapping her finger at a spot close to the insect. It hesitated for a moment, irritated by the sudden quake, before it turned around and disappeared into a crack in the wall.

Rin gazed after it for a while. Then she turned on her back again and continued to stare at the ceiling.

She heard the scratching from below again. She wondered what it could be. Maybe the sisters had compelled one of the others to scrape off the old, scruffy wallpaper so they could replace it with one that had just been used twice already.

She was so sick of this. She was sick of being ordered around all day. She was sick of smelling like the trash she was searching through. She was sick of feeling like trash. If she could only… If she could only get out of here…

There was the scratching sound again and suddenly one of the boards rose and tilted to the side. The one beside it began to move too, followed by the next one. Then a small head appeared in the opening.

“Oh. Hello. What are you doing here?”

Rin stared at the boy for a moment. Then she shook off the freeze and crawled over to him. He started to protest when she pulled him through the hole, but she covered his mouth and hurriedly put back the boards. She listened for a few seconds if anyone had noticed something, but when everything remained quiet, she relaxed.

Finally she turned to the boy. He looked unsettled and confused. She thought she had seen him already, although she couldn’t recall his name.

Actually she didn’t keep track of the kids that came and the kids that disappeared. She preferred to be alone anyway.

“How did you find me up here?” she hissed dangerously and the boy flinched.

“I… I didn’t”, he said hastily. “I mean… it was coincidence. I wasn’t looking for anyone…”

He stopped when Rin brought her face close to his.

“If you tell anyone about this, I’ll kill you. Do you understand?”

The boy gulped and nodded. Rin sighed and backed away, seating herself against an empty box.

For a while they didn’t talk.

She could feel how he looked at her. What was she supposed to do? She was sure that he had understood what she had said, but there was no guarantee. Maybe he was going to get careless and blab out something. In that case she was done for as well. They would come and take this place away from her. Her refuge… Her sanctuary… They would take it from her.

This was unfair! _She_ had found this place! How could this boy just show up and endanger the only treasure she had?!

“Umm…” he began and she turned to him. “What… What happened to your face?”

Rin stared for a moment. Then she hastily turned away her head so he couldn’t see her black eye.

“That’s none of your concern”, she snapped.

It still hurt. After she had returned without any money for the third time in a row, the sister had beaten her for half an hour. Rin wouldn’t forget what she said while she beat her.

_“What do you mean you didn’t find anything? Are you aware of how much we’re doing for you brats? We are giving you food, clothes, a roof above your head. Don’t you think you should show some gratitude for that? You trash…”_

_Trash… Trash… Trash…_

The word echoed in her head so often.

She was trash. She was worthless. She was weak. All she could do was crawl away and hole up in here. And now, even that…

“Here.”

Confused, Rin gazed at the torn, dirty handkerchief the boy handed her.

“You don’t need to cry”, he said with a smile.

Rin’s eyes grew wide and she stared at him. His smile… It felt so bright, so warm…

She turned away, giving out a huffed snort.

“I’m not crying, idiot!”

He merely grinned in response.

“So, umm… I’m Yugo. And who are you?”

“I’m Rin”, she said after a moment and took his hand.

“Well then, Rin. It’s nice to meet you.” 

  


From that day on, she felt a little warmer. 

  


* * *

  


White… A colour.

What did it mean to her?

White…

White…

The White Queen…

Strength…

The way she wanted to be. A strong person who wasn’t afraid of herself.

White…

White…

Yugo…

The boy who had been her friend and family. Her only friend.

White…

White…

Above…

A white ceiling?

Yes, indeed. A ceiling she didn’t recognise. It wasn’t the shabby ceiling of the orphanage nor the stone ceiling of her cell at academia. This one was purely white.

Somehow it made her feel at ease. So peaceful. The sheets beneath her were… warm and soft.

What was this place? And how did she get here?

For some reason she felt like there was something missing. Something that she wished to have.

Something… _Someone?_

“Yugo…”

Where was he… Where…?

“So, you’re awake.”

Rin turned her head and, through a blur she saw the faces of Yuya and Yuzu next to her.

“It’s you”, she said weakly. She tried to sit up, but an intense pain flashed through her body and made her sink down again.

“Easy, Rin! You shouldn’t move already”, Yuzu said worriedly.

“I’ll tell him.”

This voice belonged to Ruri. A moment later Rin heard the slam of a door.

She gave up the attempt to get to her feet and tried to structure her thoughts instead.

“Where am I?”

She tried to recall what had happened, but her mind was all hazy.

It was Yuya who answered.

“You’re in the hospital. You had an accident with your Runner and you’ve been unconscious for five days.”

Yes, it all came back now. The race, the crimson biker who turned out to be Yugo. The bright flash of light, the feeling as if she’d been afloat.

This was what she deserved, wasn’t it? Once again. Once again she had done nothing but to run away.

“What about Yugo? Where is he?”

“He’s resting right now.”

Yuzu smiled warmly at her.

“Yugo took care of you until the ambulance arrived, and then he came here with you. He’s been watching you almost the whole time afterwards. He didn’t even sleep for two days in order to stay at your side.”

Something inside Rin twisted painfully and she knew it had nothing to do with her injuries.

Yugo had still been there for her. Despite… Despite everything she had said… he had still been there…

“How badly hurt am I?” she asked to distract herself from these thoughts.

Yuya and Yuzu exchanged a worried glance.

“You… lost a lot of blood”, he explained. “And according to the doctor, your leg and a few ribs are broken.”

Well, that explained why she felt so wrecked.

“You will have to stay here for a few weeks, but you should be fine after that”, Yuzu added.

They fell silent, although it was obvious how awkward they felt.

Rin didn’t know what she was supposed to say. Should she thank them for coming? Should she tell them she was going to be alright in no time? She… didn’t know, so she remained silent as well.

Suddenly the door opened and Rin turned her head, meeting the eyes of the person she wanted to see least at the moment.

“Rin!”

Yugo ran towards her bed and embraced her impetuously.

“Oh, Rin… I’m so glad! I was afraid you would never wake up!”

Before she could think of an answer, he was pulled away from her.

“Hey, Yugo! You are hurting her with that”, Yuzu yelled at him.

“Ah! You’re right! I’m so sorry!”

Yuya looked from him to Rin and reached for Yuzu’s arm.

“We’ll give you some time”, he said and they joined Ruri who was watching from the door.

For a moment Rin wanted to call out to them, wanted to ask them to stay so she wouldn’t have to face Yugo alone. But then she remained quiet.

Of course. She was a coward once again.

The sound of the closing door sounded like a coffin lid. And then she was alone with him.

For a few seconds none of them said a word.

“So… Umm… How are you feeling?” Yugo asked, uncomfortably looking aside.

“As bad as I look, I guess”, she replied wryly.

He ducked his head.

“I see.”

After a moment he raised his hand as if he wanted to touch her, but then he stopped and lowered it again.

“Rin, I… I am sorry.”

She turned away her head, looking out of the window so she didn’t have to meet his gaze.

“I had no idea how you were feeling”, Yugo continued. “I just rushed out recklessly without considering I might hurt you with that. And then you ended up like this… I am so sorry.”

His voice sounded a little strained, as if he was trying to keep himself from bursting into tears.

She didn’t know. She didn’t know how she was feeling about him. She didn’t know what to say. Inwardly she cursed herself for being such a weakling.

“I never wanted any of this to happen, Rin. I didn’t want to hurt you with what I said. I am such a horrible person! You are the best friend I ever had and I wasn’t even aware of your troubles. You must… probably hate me after this. I am sorry.”

“Sun…” Rin muttered, gazing at the warm light that filtered through the glass.

“What?” Yugo asked confused.

“The sun”, she repeated quietly. “That’s what I think when I look at you. Something that is bright and warm, something which I will never be able to touch.”

She stopped for a moment, watching the leaves of the trees outside swaying in the wind.

“Something which will burn me if I get too close. But… Nevertheless, I want to be close to it.”

After a moment she turned around. Yugo was staring at her, his mouth opened in an expression of shock.

“Rin, what…”

She smiled wanly.

“I never deserved you, Yugo. I’m just a weak, broken girl. So pathetic! The White Queen… She was just a mask I wanted to hide behind.”

“Why… Why are you saying that?!”

Yugo gave her an angry look.

“Why do you think about yourself that way? I really like you, Rin. The way you are. So please… please don’t try to be someone else.”

He reached for her hand, cradled it so gently.

“Do you remember what you said to me? You told me to save you. I know that I have miserably failed at that until now, but… from now on, I am going to be there for you. So, I beg you. Give me another chance, Rin!”

Yugo’s hand felt so warm. So warm… Like back then, when it had been just the two of them in their secret hideout. Two little kids, warming each other.

She gave it a squeeze, wanting to hold it forever. Yugo’s eyes widened when he looked at the kind smile she gave him.

“Thank you… Yugo.”

For a moment he looked like he was going to start crying again. Then he leaned forward and flung his arms around her. Though she felt a sharp pain from one of her broken ribs, Rin returned the hug as well as she could.

_You really are an idiot, Yugo_ , she thought. _You have already saved me._


End file.
